I feel like abortions should bother me more
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
