i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize