I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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