every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
