What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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