no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
