You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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