Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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