I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
