I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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