Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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