I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
