evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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