It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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