Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
