Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
