so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
