Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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