bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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