The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize