So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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