so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
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