my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
