My room smells like vodka and shame
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
