Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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