I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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