Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
