6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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