Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
