So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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