I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
