My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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