whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
