So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize