Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
