physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
