we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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