You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
