I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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