so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So. Much. Porn.
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