Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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