i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
