And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
