I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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