Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
