Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
