Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I did not marry a roomba.
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