did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
