Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
