My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
