you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
