i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
