Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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