i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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