If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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