When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
