So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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