Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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