Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
