isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
