We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
