just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
