Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The best revenge is premature balding
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
