If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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