last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
