don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
the raccoons are back...
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