Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
