i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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