Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
