Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we're making bets on your personal life
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
