when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
