Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
