I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
