Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
