I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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