One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
