this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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