Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
