I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
There's even glitter on my cock...
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