Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
