Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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