Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
